Time Will Tell

I wish everyone will stop saying "give her time" or "she'll come around."  I don't want to "come around."  I planned on never talking to her again so don't give her false hope.  She's a cancer and I don't trust her, probably never will.  I've been fine without her, not to mention she's the reason we're all in the situations that we're in.  I blame her for pretty much everything, but I acknowledge some of it was out of it was influenced by idiots with PhDs.  She never wanted to get better and now that the things we've been telling her would happen are happening, she's shocked and confused and depressed.  Maybe you should have listened to us from the beginning and none of this would have happened.  I'm ready to move on.  It's been SO long and I don't want her to fuck things up- again.  

Despite it all, I still feel sorry for her and that terrifies me more than anything.  To see her show emotions other than anger and malice, to be vulnerable and scared leaves me absolutely dumbfounded.  I don't know how to deal anymore other than to keep her cut her off and turn my back and arm myself with my imaginary shield.  There's a very good chance she'll end up in the hospital again because of depression.  Most likely for the best.  But does that mean the pressure will be on me to have to visit her and help get her out of it?  What exactly has she done for me?  Or even given my well being a second thought in the past 2+ years?  The answers to those last two questions tell me that I owe her nothing.

She has hurt me and most likely fucked me up in ways I've never imagined.  Forgiveness and compassion won't come easy, if at all, even if she is my mother.

So sad..

You can always depend on Perez for the latest Hollywood gossip but every now and then he has some serious news that actually matters.  This is one of the most touching stories I've ever heard of.  To be so young and have such strength and maturity.  I don't think I could ever handle that in such a way, even though I'm nearly 3 times his age.  It truly makes you realize how precious time is and that it shouldn't be wasted on superficial things.  Every moment should count.  You should do things that truly make you happy with the people that matter the most to you because that's the stuff that you'll always remember and pull you through the tough times.

Boom Boom

A big storm is coming and the thunder sounds pretty fierce. There's nothing better than having a thunderstorm at the end of a hot, muggy day.  It's like mother nature had all this pent up energy and what better way to release it than some downpours, cracking thunder and streaky lightning!?  

I'm ridiculously stuffy right now and it's driving me nuts.  I just finished filling out a housing application for my dad and I.  He should be dropping it off tomorrow and hopefully some good will come of it.  Fingers are crossed.  I miss living with my dad.  We're both so laid back and we look out for each other.  AH.  The idea of decorating my own room and being able to escape to it at the end of the day makes me want to burst.

Newb

As with Myspace, I've caved into getting a blog.  I've got the basic stuff done right now but I'm too tired right now to think of anything that was on my mind earlier today.  In a nutshell, my thoughts were consumed by the idea of moving in the very near future.  The waiting game is starting to pay off and I feel like I'm finally winning.  The only piece of furniture that I really need is a small desk for my room since a crack whore ruined MY desk.  It could be worse.  I could be a poor little guinea pig in Ecuador being gnawed on by Andrew Zimmern.  :(

R.I.P. 

Estelle Getty

There was never a cuter old lady!  

Except for my Nonni who loved to watch those crazy "Golden Girls" just as much as me back in the day.  

My first blog experience wasn't a good one.  This better be easier to maneuver tomorrow because this short entry took far too long to set up.